Friday, February 25, 2011

Moving Again

Well, today we start moving (again).  I swear, we move every year.  Whether it is a few houses down the road or all the way across the United States, we move Every Year!  I hate it.  I really do.  I wish I were able to find somewhere to call home and just stay there.  But, that hasn't come yet.

So, why are we moving this time?  Basically because we need a bigger house and a bigger yard.  Not because of our 'stuff', but because there are seven people living under one roof and we are all on top of each other day and night.  It is just too much.  It is claustrophobic. 

Now, we are only moving up the street, three houses away.  Which isn't bad.  It's just the whole packing, moving, unpacking, putting away, etc.  Hopefully it won't really be that bad this time because we don't have to officially pack every single thing.  It's just a TON of trips in the van, lol.  Oh well, I guess it will be lots of exercise to log for today through Monday, right?

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Brain Clutter

A friend on Facebook shared a link today that hit upon the subject of Brain Clutter.  This is an area that I seriously need to work on.   My mind seems to always be running, running, running and it is not going in only one direction.

Half the time I cannot even focus on one single thought.  It's just a jumble of anxiety ridden semi-thoughts that keeps me disorganized and totally stressed out.

So, I am making it a goal this week to spend some time in 'down-time'.  That is going to take some concentrated effort because the method to my madness is to keep my mind busy with 'things' instead of dealing with the thoughts that have amassed in my head.  I keep busy no matter what I'm doing.  Usually I am doing much more than one thing at a time.  I don't even eat without reading at the same time. 

So, this week's focus will be to focus.  Much more difficult for me than it sounds like....

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Thursday, February 17, 2011

And Yet Another Do-Over...

If anyone has noticed, I have pretty much fallen off the face of the earth for the last few weeks.  Yes, I'm ok, and thanks to everyone who has posted to my facebook page their concerns and prayers for me.  Please don't think that I was upset at anyone of my friends or that I was keeping anyone out of the loop (Mom). Those who know what is going on will understand and that is why I will catch everyone up to date here.

JT is back.  He took a bus and showed up here at the same time I disappeared from web-world.  Needless to say, there wasn't much I could do about it as he is on the lease and I was not in any position to be able to move out so I had a lot to deal with.  I was, at that time, pretty comfortable with the idea of being alone and enjoyed having all the time by myself and with my FlyGirls and my children.  JT's coming back threw a wrench in that whole piece of work.

Since he has been back, I have not had a mili-second to myself.  When I go into a room, he follows me. When I use the computer, he pulls up a chair right next to me to see what I'm doing (in the guise of "I missed you, Baby. I just want to be near you.") I am lucky that I am able to use the bathroom alone.

When he got back, he swore that he would get a job and start paying all the bills. That turned into one of the biggest fiascos I've ever seen with countless trips to the DMV to get his ID sorted out, using up all of my cell phone minutes, job applications and finally a job interview last week. The manager actually saved the job for him for 5 days while we got his ID situation straightened out, which was a blessing and he started work yesterday.

Through all of this, I have not had a moment, really, to even breathe.  Now that he is working full time, I am finally feeling the tiniest sense of relief and that I may be able to let out the breathe that I've been holding for so long.

When he is around me, I have no ambition to do anything and honestly, trying to do anything with him under foot is practically impossible. My 'flying' was put on hold, my Bible reading put on hold, my exercising put on hold... everything.  And so there is clutter everywhere at the moment, physically, emotionally, mentally.. you name it.

However, during his work hours, I feel like my old self.  I feel like cleaning my house, I feel like getting back on track, I feel like ME.  Kind of sad, isn't it?  But, at least during those hours, now I can do the things I love and not feel like I have anyone watching every move I make and talking my head off. There is SILENCE! Ahhhhhh, how much I love silence.  Even with the kids home, there are moments of silence. Thank GOD!

So, anyway.... that's the scoop.  That's what has been going on.  And at least on the days that I am able to be at home alone, I will be doing another Do-Over.

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